Ello Gov'nor
by Indigo Oblivion
Summary: "A horror? No way, Ian. Last time we watched a horror I had to walk you to the bathroom for three weeks!"  "No, Bryan, this time's gonna be different! It's old and cheesy – it won't even be scary, just hilarious!" Slight Crack - Rated T for Taxis of Evil
1. Nightmares

_**Title:**_ _Ello Gov'nor_

_**Summary: **Ian decides to rent a horror movie for his and Bryan's movie night. When the old cheesy movie gives Ian a very real and morbid fear of British taxis, Bryan is forced to find a way to cure Ian's phobia just so he can sleep at night._

_**Disclaimer: **Beyblade does NOT belong to me, however much I might wish it does.  
>The plot is inspired by this freaking brilliant episode of The Regular Show, so if anyone's reading this and thinking, 'Heyyy, i've seen this somewhere before' then well, yeah, that's why. I'm not claiming it's brilliance! DDDDDD:<em>

**_Thanks: _**_to **chocolatexloverx16 **who is an absolute riot and has inspired me to write a little outside of my comfort zone. : D_

* * *

><p><strong>1. Nightmares.<strong>

"That'll be $2.99, sir."

Ian handed the girl at the till the money with a flourish, and a cheeky wink, and then began to walk towards the door with a skip in his step. Tonight's movie night with Bryan was gonna be awesome. He'd picked out the best movie, Bryan was making the popcorn, and it was gonna be _sweet_.

He left the movie rental store and ran right into a miniature skyscraper in the middle of the sidewalk, falling on his rear end when he was bounced backwards on impact. Rubbing his ass and grumbling slightly, Ian began to stomp over to the building and let it have a piece of his mind. Stupid building, getting all in his way like that. Only, when the skyscraper turned around, Ian realised it wasn't a building at all, just some loser kid in a costume. He looked a little familiar, but Ian didn't have the time to figure out where from.

"Ha," he taunted with a smirk on his face, "nice outfit!"

"Hey! It's not an outfit, it's a costume! My boss makes me wear it!" said the loser kid, jabbing an accusatory finger towards the rental store. But Ian wasn't listening, he was already at the other end of the street. He didn't have time for loser kids in stupid outfits, he had a kick ass movie to watch.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"OH yeahh, movie night!" Ian was dancing on the living room sofa, waving his arms around in celebration. "Hey Bryan, you got the popcorn?"

"Yeah, yeah" Bryan grumbled, walking into the room with a huge bowl of popcorn in his hands.

"Sweeeet! And I got the movie!" Ian said, brandishing the video around.

"Huh?" said Bryan, putting the bowl down on the sofa, his face falling as he pulled out another video from behind him. "But I thought we were watching _Twilight_?"

Ian narrowed his eyes at the stupid sucky vampire romance movie. Ha, sucky. Because they were vampires. "Ugh, Bryan, you've watched that like ten thousand times!"

"But it's a good movie!" he whined, folding his arms and sulking. "You just don't understand." Bryan quite liked the vampire series, thank-you-very-much. He thought that, if he was in it, he'd be a vampire. After all, he _was_ pale, impossibly handsome, and had muscles like freaking concrete blocks. He definitely was not one of those stupid stinky werewolves that were always topless because they had something to prove. Edward didn't need to take _his_ shirt off every two minutes to prove how hot he was, and neither did Bryan. And by hot, he meant cold. Like, ice cold. Like,_ the_ _arctic-fucking-circle_ ice cold.

"Whatever Bryan, we're watching this."

"What is it?" he said, squinting at the box as Ian held it up. "_Ello __Gov__'__nor_? What the hell is that?"

"It sounds sweet, man! It's foreign, too. Here listen, I'll read the back." Ian then cleared his throat very dramatically and began to read, _"__A __British __taxi __is __possessed __by __the __soul __of __its __driver, __and __seeks __revenge __on __the __scummy __gang __members __who __murdered __him.__"_ Ian then put on a very menacing voice, saying, _"__Pay __the __fare, __or __pay __the __price.__"_

"Ugh, a horror? No way, Ian. Last time we watched a horror I had to walk you to the bathroom for three weeks!"

"No, Bryan, this time's gonna be different! It's old and cheesy – it won't even be scary, just hilarious!"

Bryan narrowed his eyes at the purple haired midget. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah man, totally sure. Pffft, it's even in black and white."

"Well, okay, put it on then." Bryan agreed, already stuffing his face with popcorn.

Ian watched as the movie began with a young guy sitting in a classroom, looking bored out of his face. Ian didn't blame him. School was lame. Suddenly, the boy opened his notebook, and inside the first page was the print of a tyre mark. Ian grabbed a pillow to cover his face as the boy began sweating and looking around the room in a panic. Ohmygod ohmygod, he thought, peeking over the top of the pillow, something's going to happen.

Then the boy looked outside the window, and underneath a tree was a horrible, menacing black British taxi. It had its headlamps on and they were glaring right at the boy. Suddenly, the radiator grills on its front opened up into a huge mouth with spiky teeth, and the taxi grinned said menacingly, _'__Ello __Gov__'__nor.__'_

Ian watched in utter horror as the taxi sped down the hill and into the classroom, breaking through the windows and massacring everyone in sight. On the sofa next to him, Bryan was watching with his arms folded and laughing, "Oh my god, this is so lame."

"Hehehe," Ian joined in weakly, "yeah.. lame."

The rest of the movie continued on in the same manner, with the evil British taxi following and murdering random people. Some kid doing a newspaper round; A young woman in the shower; An old man walking his dog. Each time the taxi appeared, it would smile evilly, show off its spiky radiator-grill teeth, and say 'Ello Gov'nor.' And then it would mow them down mercilessly, and eat them, and then spit out their bones through the exhaust pipe! It was horrible!

Then Ian jumped as the movie ended abruptly in a load of static. He was staring wide eyed at the tv screen with a traumatized expression on his face.

"Huh?" Bryan snorted as he jerked awake, "Is it over?" Ian just nodded faintly, his eyes still stuck on the static filed screen. "Dude," Bryan continued, yawning slightly, "I don't even know what that _was_. I mean, was the taxi just evil, or was it possessed by an evil ghost or what? Aaanyway," he said, getting up to stretch and yawning, "it's late. We should get to bed."

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That night, Ian was tossing and turning and mumbling in his sleep. He woke up in a sweat, and realised he was just having a nightmare. He glanced over to Bryan's bed on the other side of the room to make sure he wasn't awake. Bryan was such a grouch if something disturbed his precious beauty sleep.

Quietly, Ian got up and walked to the window. It was dark, and raining outside. Then, under a flash of lightening, he saw the British taxi under a tree.

"Ahh, shit!" he squeaked. The evil British taxi was coming to get him! "Bryan!" he hissed across the room. "Bryan, wake up!" He looked back outside, and suddenly the British taxi was somehow hanging right outside his window, grinning at him with his horrible spiky teeth.

"Ahhhh, Bryan!" He ran over to the purple headed blader's bed and tried to shake him awake. "Bryan, please wake up, man. It's the British taxi! It's come to get me!"

Slowly, Bryan rolled over, and Ian saw with horror that his eyes were not eyes at all, but a pair of headlamps. And they were glaring brightly at him. Ian screamed like a girl and backed away into the opposite wall, terrified. "...Bryan?" he whimpered.

Bryan sat up and twisted his body around to face him, saying, _"__Ello __Gov__'__nor!__"_

Then the evil British taxi came bursting out of his friend's face, speeding right towards him. He was going to die.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH –" Ian's scream was cut off as a pillow hit him on the side of the face.

"What the hell, Ian?"

Ian looked around him disoriented, and realised he was still in bed. It was just a dream. "Bryan," he said, still panting in fear, "I keep having nightmares!"

"Ugh, I knew we shouldn't have watched that stupid movie!" he said, rolling over to face away from the annoying little runt. "Just dream about something else instead. Dream like you're a tough guy or something."

Ian rolled over in bed and brought the covers over his head. "I'm a tough guy." He said, chanting to himself as he fell asleep, "I'm a tough guy, I'm a tough guy."

Ian dreamed that he was walking down a rough city street at night. He was wearing a long trench coat, a detective style hat, and he was playing with a snake shaped lighter in his hand.

People said this city was pretty tough. But Ian was tougher.

As he walked down the street, he passed a tough looking biker guy, with scraggly white hair and a scar down his face. Ian noticed that this guy started following him. He knew what he was going to try and pull, and so he formulated a plan.

He turned left down a narrow dead end alley, and waited for the man to catch up. He did.

"You've picked the wrong alley to walk down, Papovski." sneered the criminal, as he pulled out a knife.

With reflexes quicker than anyone had ever seen before, Ian spun around and knocked the knife out of the man's hand, before taking him by the scruff of the neck and throwing him up against the wall. "The name's Snakes," he said with narrowed eyes, as he prepared to punch the man in the jaw with a pair of snake like knuckle-busters he'd been wearing the whole time.

Suddenly, however, the alley way was flooded with a blinding light.

Oh no.

Reluctantly, Ian turned his head around, and was staring face to face with the British taxi. It was leering at him, and flexing its spiky horrible teeth. _"__Ello __Gov__'__nor!__"_

Ian let go of the man he was holding and tried to make a run for it to the other and of the alley - but it was a dead end. Terrified, he turned around to see the British taxi speeding towards him. Before he could do anything about it, he was thrown up into the air by the impact, and –

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH –"

"–ARRGHH!" Bryan's own frustrated scream cut off Ian's terrified one. "What the fuck man, Ian?"

"Bryan," Ian whimpered from his bed, "It's that stupid British taxi, it's inside my head!"

"Get up, Ian." Bryan twisted round in bed and threw his legs over the side of the bed, throwing his Twilight bed sheets to the side.

"What? Whyyy?" he whined, still clutching his own blankets around his head.

"Because, your stupid baby nightmares are stopping me from getting my full nine hours of beauty sleep!" he said, narrowing his eyes threateningly. "So, we're just going to have to desensitize you. We're going to watch that movie over and over again until you stop being scared."

"What?" Ian whispered, dread filling every fibre of his being. "No, no - I can't man! You can't make me!"

"Yes," said Bryan, grabbing the scaredy midget's arm and dragging him out of the room, completely ignoring his flailing arms and legs, "I can. Now come on."

"NOOO! Bryan please, you can't do this to meeee!"

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><p><em><strong>AN:** Well, there you have it, guys! I'm gonna turn this into a mini series of sorts, so it'll be about four or five chapters long. HAHA, apologies for the slight Twilight bashing – I am actually a huge fan, but I also find it really funny to bash, too.  
>Next chapter will be out sometime next week, with Spencer, Tala and Kai making an appearance, so I hope you've enjoyed this, and don't be shy - you'll find the review button just down there! :3<em>

_**Next chapter:** Friday  
><em>


	2. Cricket

_**Summary: **After Bryan tries and fails to cure Ian's phobia with his 'desensitization' method, he decides to take Ian along to watch Spencer's cricket match so he can meet some friendly British people. When Ian's overactive imagination causes this to backfire, however, Tala appears with a weird revelation, and Bryan gets yet another idea._

_**Disclaimer: **Beyblade does NOT belong to me, however much I might wish it does.  
>The plot is inspired by this freaking brilliant episode of The Regular Show, so if anyone's reading this and thinking, 'Heyyy, i've seen this somewhere before' then well, yeah, that's why. I'm not claiming it's brilliance! DDDDDD:<em>

* * *

><p><strong>2. Cricket<strong>

"Look at it!"

"No!"

"Look at it."

"Bryaaaan, stop!"

"Look at it! It's not even real, man – you can see the microphone showing, look at it!"

"No! Stop, I'm not gonna!"

"Damnit Ian, look at it! I'm sick of you keeping me up. I can feel myself getting uglier by the second!"

With one hand, Bryan was holding the back of Ian's head and pushing it up against the tv screen. With the other, he was holding one of Ian's hands behind his back. Ian had his eyes squeezed shut tight, and he was squirming around to try and get out of Bryan's vice-like hold. He was pushing away from the tv screen with his spare hand, and kicking against the tv stand with his leg. The tv was paused with a picture of the British taxi just about to pounce on some poor victim. And, sure enough, there was in fact a microphone peeking through at the top of the screen.

Two days later, and Bryan and Ian were in exactly the same position – but with significantly less energy.

"..noo..oo.."

"look...at it - look.."

"...wanna. don't.."

"...look.."

Ian was sick of it. He was tired of Bryan pushing his head against the damn screen – he'd been doing it for two days straight, damnit. He was hungry and he needed to pee!

Suddenly feeling empowered, Ian roared like a beast and threw Bryan off of him, sending the taller blader hurtling backwards over the table. "ARRGHHH! Dude, I said stop! This isn't working, I hate that stupid movie!"

He then turned around and tore the video right out of the player, and proceeded to rip the rolls of tape out (still roaring like a beast) before throwing it across the room. Bryan watched as it flew over his head and smashed into the doorframe, breaking into tiny little pieces. He then looked over at the smaller guy, who was panting like a bull after his rage. God Ian was scary when he roared like that. If Bryan wasn't so tough, he might've peed a little.

Just then, Spencer walked in, wearing rather strange attire. He was dressed completely in white; white jumper, white trousers, he was even wearing a white cap. And in his hand, he was holding a long bat. Bryan thought it looked a little familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

Spencer looked down at his feet where the broken pieces of video lay, and then let his eyes scour the mess on the floor, before finally looking at the two younger bladers in the middle of the room. "...What the hell?" he said.

"Ian made us watch a stupid crappy horror movie and now he keeps having nightmares and keeping me up and making me ugly!"

"Bryan keeps yelling at me for being scared of the evil British taxi and he tried to make me watch it over and over and over!"

"What the hell?" Spencer said again, confused because the two idiots answered at the same time and he didn't hear a word. "Look, whatever, I don't care. Just clean up this mess before I get back from my cricket game."

Ah, now Bryan understood the strange clothing. It was a cricket outfit. But why was Spencer playing cricket?

"Why are you playing cricket, Spencer?" said Ian, voicing Bryan's thoughts perfectly.

"What? I'm trying new things. Don't judge me" Spencer replied defensively, folding his arms.

"Oh, hey, Spencer!" Bryan just had an idea. "Will British people be there?"

"It's cricket," Spencer deadpanned, "what do _you_ think?"

"So… that's a yes then?" Bryan received no reply. "Great! Me and Ian are coming too!"

"Wh - what?" squeaked the little purple haired teen. "Why?"

"Because, Ian," Bryan growled, "British people are gonna be there. And I'm gonna show you just how nice British people are."

"N - no! Bryan, what if they all drive taxis?"

"Stop your whining! All they do is drink tea and talk about the weather and say 'how do you do.' We're going to that cricket match, Ian."

Ian once again found himself being dragged roughly by the arm by Bryan to do yet another thing that he didn't want to do. Why was life being so cruel?

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"See, Ian? There's nothing to be afraid of, look at how cool and collected all these British people are."

"I.. I guess so."

Ian and Bryan were standing at the side of a field, watching Spencer's cricket game. Bryan was standing with his arms folded trying to understand the game, and thinking about how boring it was. The guy with the bat would hit the ball, run around a couple of posts as many times as he could, stop, hit the ball again, and do this over and over again. It was pointless!

Ian, on the other hand, was thinking about how he didn't trust Bryan's judgement at all. He was standing just behind Bryan, clutching his leg like a toddler. At least if all the British people get into their cars and turn on them, Bryan would get hit first.

When the match was over, Spencer came walking back over to them. "So, are you over your weird fear yet, Ian?" he said.

Ian was just about to answer when suddenly he noticed a British person walking towards them. He was wearing glasses and had a mustache. A really freaky mustache. He walked right up in front of Ian, held out his hand as a greeting and said, quite cheerfully, "'Ello, gov'nor."

Oh no.

Ian shrank back further behind Bryan's leg in fear. Why was this happening? Why were British people so weird! Making stupid movies and saying stupid things?

Suddenly, more British people came walking towards him and Bryan, and they all had horrible smiles on their faces.

"Ello, gov'nor!"

"Ello gov'nor."

"Elllllo, gov'nor!"

Ohmygod ohmygod, what the hell were they all doing? There were dozens of them, and they were all chanting 'Ello Gov'nor' at him. Ian couldn't believe it, and the worst part was, there was no escape. They were closing in on him in a circle, blocking him off.

Ian looked up at their faces, and to his horror, he saw that they were all staring at him. Their eyes were bulging, and he could see pink little veins squiggling around inside them. Their teeth were long and pointed, and they had their hands stretching out towards him.

Why couldn't Bryan and Spencer see? Why weren't they doing something? Was this some kind of sick joke, Ian thought as the crazy British people got closer and closer.

'…_.Ello Gov'nor…'_

Just as the British freaks were within reaching distance, they stopped suddenly, and turned around to look behind them. Then they parted in the middle, and just behind them Ian could see the dreaded British taxi; he could hear the engine rumbling.

"No no no no no no no no no."

Then all the British people and the Taxi said at once:

"_Ello __Gov__'__nor!__"_

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH! What the hell is WRONG with you FREAKS!"

"Arrghh, fuck – what the hell Ian?" Bryan exclaimed as he was suddenly roughly pushed forwards by Ian. He looked confusedly at Ian, who was now running away from them screaming and shouting like a maniac with his arms flailing around; to Spencer, who was watching him with a similar expression on his face; and then finally to the poor confused British man, who had just finished introducing himself to them and asked them if they'd 'fancy a spot of tea.'

"Wh - whatever is the matter with the poor chap? I say, he looked quite scared out of his wits!" said the British man, with a concerned look towards Bryan. "Does he not like tea? I - I - I didn't mean to offend."

Did _all _British people talk like this? Bryan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Damn Ian's stupid overactive imagination and his stupid fear of taxis. And British people too, apparently.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse our friend," Spencer chipped in, taping his forehead, "He's a little confused in the head."

"T'chh, you can say that again," Bryan agreed vehemently.

"Ahh," said the British man, nodding his head in understanding. "Sad, very sad."

He then began to walk away just as Tala and Kai approached the group.

"Hey, Spence, Bryan! Yo, what the hell was _that_ all about?" Tala said, gesturing over to the direction that Ian had run off to.

"Tala.. what the hell are you wearing?"

Tala was dressed rather snazzily in a traditional British way. He was wearing a smart white shirt buttoned up to the top with a deep blue cravat around his neck, a black tailcoat, and a sexy black top hat. In his hands was a cane. But not just any cane. It was his most prized pimp cane. It had a sterling silver wolf's head on the top, and he used this to keep the bitches in line.

"...What," Tala said with a 'come-hither' smirk "Don't you like it?"

"I don't even know _why_ the hell you're even wearing it."

"Because he thinks all British people dress like that," said Kai, rolling his eyes and speaking for the first time since they arrived. He was too busy fixing his hair, and admiring his handsome face in the pocket mirror he always carried to speak up before.

Tala pointed his cane warningly in Kai's face and said, "Not another word."

To Bryan's surprise, Kai fell silent immediately with a rosy blush. He wasn't familiar with the unknown powers of the pimp cane, but Kai obviously was. He shuddered slightly just imagining it.

"Anyway. Yes. I knew British people would be here, so I decided to dress British to blend in – I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable and intimidated by our foreign ways. But that's not important," he said, flicking his hand around flamboyantly before letting it rest on his hip, "what's the matter with Ian?"

Bryan let out a long, tired, dramatic Napoleon Dynamite worthy sigh before explaining the situation. "Well, me and Ian had a movie night the other night, and _I_ wanted to watch Twilight_,_ but Ian decided he wanted to watch this stupid British horror movie about a killer Taxi. And then he had nightmares and kept me up all night, so if I look ugly today then it's his fault. And now he's got this stupid fear of all things British, but especially the British taxi."

Tala blinked. "Well, thats stupid. My British taxi isn't scary at all!"

"I know right – wait, what? _You_ have a British taxi?"

"Of course!" Tala exclaimed with yet another flamboyant wave of the hand. "It's my most prized possession. Apart from this," he said, gesturing to his pimp cane, "nothing can take your place in my life, my darling."

Bryan tried to ignore Tala as he made coo-ing noises and kissy-faces towards his cane. Why did he even live with such a freak?

"Aaaanyway, Tala," he said, trying to tear his attention away from the cane and back into the conversation, "could you take me and Ian out for a ride in it? I want to knock this stupid fear out of his tiny brain so I can actually get some sleep tonight. I NEED to sleep tonight."

"Why, of course! It's just in the garage."

"...You've had a British taxi in the garage this whole time, and we didn't even know?" Bryan was beginning to wonder what else about his crimson-headed friend he didn't know about. But then he thought, if there _was_ anything else, he'd probably prefer it to _stay_ unknown.

"Yes, I have," he said with a smug grin. "Come along then, let's find Ian and then I can show it to you both."

Bryan followed him, with a vaguely hopeful feeling that maybe this would be the thing that would cure Ian's phobia, and at last let him get his full nine hours of beauty sleep tonight.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **You lucky people, I decided to update early, because I couldn't resist unleashing sexy top-hat wearing pimp cane using Tala on you all. You can now tremble in awe of his sexiness. 8DDD  
>HAHAHA, and, despite the British bashing here, I'm actually British myself. So, if anyone's offended, then you better take with with a stiff upper-lip, dammit! <em>

_**Next chapter: **Monday_


	3. Bathroom Break

_**_**Summary: **_**Bryan and Tala decide to take Ian out for a ride in Tala's surprise taxi in a final ditch effort to cure their little friend's phobia. Ian, however, is convinced that the British taxi is stalking him and, when they go for a drive in the woods, things seem like they're only getting worse._

_**_**Disclaimer: **_**_Beyblade does NOT belong to me, however much I might wish it does.__  
>The plot is inspired by this freaking brilliant episode of The Regular Show, so if anyone's reading this and thinking, 'Heyyy, i've seen this somewhere before' then well, yeah, that's why. I'm not claiming it's brilliance! DDDDDD:<em>_

_**Thanks to: **Kiray Himawari; chocolatexloverx16 and Spinster-magic95 for their reviews on the previous chapters. This one goes out to you! :3_

* * *

><p><strong>3. Bathroom Break<strong>

"So...what are we doing here again?"

Ian was nervously toeing the ground with his boot as Tala fiddled with the locks on the garage door. All five of them, to be exact. Tala was always anal about them going in this garage, and Ian had always wanted to know what was inside. But, alas, he was never allowed.

"Ian," Bryan said in response to his question, "You know how we've always wanted to see what Tala keeps inside this garage?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, now we are!" he said with a flourish.

"Yeah… but why?"

"Because, Ian, inside this garage is something that's gonna cure your fear of British taxis."

Ian suddenly felt sick. "What? You mean like the cricket game, Bryan? No way, man! I'm not doing this!" He then began to storm away, but his little legs didn't get him very far before Bryan caught up to him and started dragging him back by the elbow.

Just then, Tala brandished his feared pimp cane in Kai's face and ordered him to bring him a step-ladder so he could remove the final lock. As Kai trotted off like a smitten puppy (Bryan shuddering again at the mysterious powers of the pimp cane), Ian's eyes travelled all the way up to the top of the garage door where, sure enough, he saw the final lock. It was bigger than his nose, and it was the only one he'd never been able to open because it was simply too high for his stubby little arms to reach.

Kai returned soon enough and, not two seconds later, Tala was climbing up the ladder and removing the final lock. He threw it at Kai and told him to hide it somewhere very safe, and then clean the house and make dinner before they got back. He wanted steak, and he wanted it well done. Then Kai skipped obediently away like the little bitch he was, with a rose blush covering his cheeks, and Tala made his way down the ladder.

"Right, boys," Tala said, opening his arms and beckoning the other two forward, "This is the moment you've been waiting for."

He opened the double doors dramatically, and Bryan and Ian both prepared themselves for what was inside. Ian gasped and hid behind his hands, while Bryan simply lifted an eyebrow. Inside, gleaming proudly in the light, was a yellow New York cab.

Tala took a few steps inside and twisted around on the spot, holding his arms out to them. "Well? Here she is!" He then twisted around again to gaze lovingly at his second most prized possession. "Isn't she beautiful?"

His coat tails swayed around limply as he waited for their response.

"…Tala," Bryan started a little hesitantly, "I thought you said you had a British taxi?"

Tala spun around on the spot yet again, and looked at Bryan with surprise. "Huh? A British taxi? Oh, I thought you said a _brownish_ taxi!"

Bryan resisted the urge to face-palm. "But Tala, this is yellow."

Suddenly, Tala was holding out his pimp cane in Bryan's face, backing him away into the wall. His eyes were sharp and cold. "Take it back."

"Wh - Tala, what the hell?"

"Take it back! My Taxi is _not_ a coward!"

Bryan could feel the effects of the pimp cane starting to work their magic on him. He was going weak at the knees and he felt slightly feverish. His mouth was going dry and he could feel his blood pounding in his head. He was just breaking out into a light sweat and beginning to tremble when he said, "Shit, Tala! Alright, I take it back!"

Then Tala had lowered the pimp cane and was walking away. Bryan shuddered slightly as the effects of the pimp cane were wearing off. Geez, he thought, that was fucking horrible. Now he knew how Bella in Twilight must feel every time she looked at Edward. That pimp cane was insane! Poor Kai, having to deal with _that_ all the time.

Taking a deep breath and recovering himself, Bryan walked over to Ian and said, "Right, so...are you ready to go for a ride in Tala's taxi?"

"What? Dude, no, I'm not getting in that thing!" said the midget, shrinking back a little.

"Why not? It's not even British."

"I don't care – a taxi's a taxi!"

Bryan made to grab for the smaller teen, saying, "Dammit Ian, stop being a pussy! We're going for a ride in that taxi!"

"No no no – wait! I er, I need to go to the bathroom!" Then he swiftly ducked Bryan's outstretched arm, left the garage through the inside door and walked through the utility room into the bathroom.

Once there, he turned on the tap and began to splash some water on his face, trying to reign in his fear. He knew it was stupid – Tala's taxi wasn't even British. But you just couldn't tell these days. All taxis were potential threats as far as Ian was concerned.

Ian looked into the mirror and took in his haggard appearance in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes, and his whole face was drooping. Hell, even his poor nose was sagging a little under the stress of the past few days with Bryan. Stupid Bryan shoving his face up against the tv for two days, and then taking him to a cricket match that he _knew_ would be swarming with crazy British people. And now this? What the hell was he trying to do, kill him?

But even Ian knew he couldn't go on like this. He knew he couldn't live properly if he was always looking over his shoulder for evil killer taxis, whether they were British or otherwise. And he knew he couldn't avoid British people forever – they were freaking everywhere these days. And they even ruled the world at one point!

No, Ian knew he would have to confront this, otherwise this fear would rule his life forever. He looked his reflection sternly in the eye. "Right Ian, you can do this, man. It's just a car – nothin' to be afraid of. Just a load of metal and some gas. You can do this. You're a tough guy."

After this inspiring pep-talk, Ian walked over to the toilet-paper dispenser to grab some tissue so he could dry his face. But when he pulled it out, he jumped back in horror as he saw that it was stamped with the print of a tyre-mark.

"Oh shit," his little eyes darting nervously around the room. "Shit shit shit shit –"

Suddenly, the bathroom was lit up with a flash of lightening, and through the little window above toilet Ian saw the British taxi. It was glimmering murderously in the light, and its spiky radiator grill teeth were sharpened and glinting. _'__Ello __Gov__'__nor__…'_

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Screaming like a banshee, Ian wrenched open the bathroom door and into the adjacent utility room. He backed up against the door into the garage and spared a glance back into the bathroom to see if the British taxi was still there. Then the telephone on the wall next to him rang, and made him jump right out of his skin. Gulping in fear, and shaking like a leaf, Ian reached out a hand and took the phone off the hook. "He - hello?"

'_...Ello Gov'nor.'_

Horrified, Ian threw the phone against the wall and backed away in shock. This crazy killer British taxi just wouldn't leave him alone. Why him? Why was it after him, what had he ever done to it?

Oh no, he thought. It's because he broke that stupid video. He threw it up against the wall and it broke. Before, he was only having nightmares, but now it was after him for real and it was after him with a vengeance!

Suddenly Ian heard a noise behind him. He turned around in fear, expecting to see the taxi behind him. But it was only the fax machine. It was printing out something slowly, and with great trepidation Ian approached it to see what was written. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the words, _'__Ello __Gov__'__nor__'_ on the page.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Screaming, Ian ran out of the utility room and back into the garage where he saw that Tala and Bryan were already inside the New York cab in the front seats. He wrenched open the door and jumped in the back, screaming, "Drive drive drive!"

"Ian, what –"

"JUST DRIVE!"

Tala did so, all to eager to take his baby out for a spin to bother calling Ian up for his rudeness. After they'd pulled out of the drive, Bryan turned around to look at Ian, who was now laying low in his seat and shaking like mad. "What the hell, Ian?"

"Bryan - it's the British taxi. It's after me!"

"Urgh, not this again! Ian, it was just a mo –"

"It's NOT just a movie! Bryan, it's after me! I broke the video and now it wants revenge! It's not gonna leave me alone until it KILLS MEEEEE!"

"ARGHH, whatever Ian!" Bryan growled and threw his hands up in frustration. "Tala, just keep driving. We're not getting out of this car until Ian gets over his bloody fucking stupid damn fear."

Two hours later, and it was just getting dark. Bryan had fallen asleep and was now drooling against the window, Tala was still driving along quite happily and humming to the tune of 'Mambo Number 5,' and Ian was in the back seat performing calming breathing exercises, his eyes darting out of the window every now and then.

However, as Ian looked out of the window, he noticed that they were heading towards what strangely looked like a forest. A very dark, very scary looking forest.

"Uhh… Tala? Where are we going?"

"Oh!" Tala exclaimed flamboyantly, "just into the woods out of town. I always drive down here when I like to relax."

"Relax?" Ian questioned as he looked out of the window dubiously.

"Yes! Don't you just _love_ the scenery?"

No, Ian did not like the scenery at all. As he was looking out, he saw that all the trees were jagged and sharp, and he was sure he could see faces in them. And they were looking at him. He knew it was probably just the shadows, but it was still creepy, and definitely _not_ relaxing at all.

Then, just for a split second, off to the side he thought he saw the British taxi in the middle of the trees. Its headlamps were glowing in the dark. Ian started to break out in a sweat. No no no no no, not here, not in the woods, he thought. It was dark and creepy enough out here without the killer British taxi finding him.

His eyes followed the headlamps out through the back window until they disappeared into the distance. Well, at least it wasn't following him, he thought. But he still didn't like being inside this forest. He was about to ask Tala if they could leave now, when the car suddenly started making spluttering noises.

"Oh, no! It seems we've run out of gas!" Tala said. "My poor baby's all drained out!"

Ian froze with dread.

No, they couldn't be out of gas, not here! Not in this dark scary forest with no where to run. The British taxi was just behind them, he was sure.

He was going to die.

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><p><strong><em>AN:_**_ Well, here's the next chapter guys! Poor Ian, he just can't catch a break! And now they're stuck in the woods with no gas in the tank, and the British taxi surely behind them. Did you, know, the British taxi also seeks revenge on people who read without reviewing? So, make sure to click the button below or it'll be coming soon to a bathroom near you! O:_

_**Next chapter:** Thursday :3  
><em>


	4. I'm No Gov'nor!

_**Summary: **When Tala's taxi runs out of gas, Bryan's plans for a relaxing ride to cure Ian's silly fears goes horribly wrong. But when the British taxi really does appear in the woods and chase them down, how will Tala and Bryan save their little friend from the mechanical onslaught?_

_**Disclaimer: **Beyblade does NOT belong to me, however much I might wish it does.  
>The plot is inspired by this freaking brilliant episode of The Regular Show, so if anyone's reading this and thinking, 'Heyyy, i've seen this somewhere before' then well, yeah, that's why. I'm not claiming it's brilliance! DDDDDD:<em>

**_Thanks: _**_Kiray Himawari; chocolatexloverx16; Spinster-magic95 and AquilaTempestas for their reviews on the previous chapters! Love to you :3_

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><p><strong>4. I'm No Gov'nor!<strong>

"Whadd'ya mean we're out of gas?"

Ian was sitting in the back seat, sweating in panic. He was practically pulling his hair out in fear, and his eyes kept darting nervously out of the back window.

"I mean, Ian, that I've worked my baby too hard and she's exhausted. I'm sorry, my little darling," Tala said, stroking the steering wheel apologetically with a mournful look in his eye, "I should have taken things a little slower."

Ian looked at his red-headed friend, totally perplexed. They were stuck in the middle of the woods with no gas and a killer British taxi surely right behind them, and all Tala could worry about was the stupid car? He looked nervously back out of the window, but there was no sign of the Taxi. Yet.

Because it was surely coming, Ian knew this. It wouldn't stop coming until it had his blood.

His eyes then fell Bryan, who was still drooling all over the window, sleeping like a baby. How could he _sleep_ in this situation? They were all about die, and Bryan was snoring like he didn't have a care in the world.

Ian grabbed the back of his friend's seat and began to shake it, shouting right in his ear, "BRYAN!"

"Huh - arghh wh - WHAT THE FUCK IAN?"

"BRYAN! The British taxi's after me, man! And we're stuck here! We ran outta gas!"

Bryan blinked away his confusion. "Out of – what?" He look out of the window towards the trees. "Where the hell are we?"

"In Tala's stupid relaxing wood, and we're outta ga –"

"Yeah yeah, I get it! We're outta gas." Bryan clawed through his hair in irritation and Ian ducked under the back seats, covering his head with his hands. He was not a happy bunny. "Come on Tala," Bryan said, "we'd better get out and push or else we'll be stuck here all night." They both opened their doors and made to get out of the car, but then Bryan twisted around and raised an eyebrow at Ian who was still hiding under the seats. "Hey, you helping or what?"

"NO! Are you stupid? I'm not moving out in to the open where the British taxi can get me!"

Bryan rolled his eyes, already too tired of the little midget's stupidity. "T''chh, fine. I guess me and Tala'll push you all the way home then."

Bryan and Tala then began to push the car back towards where Ian was sure he saw the British taxi. Ian, realising where they were going, began to fidget nervously in the back of the car, staring outside the rear window. "No no no, not back this way! This is where the –"

His sentence was cut short when he saw a pair of headlights in the distance, traveling straight towards them. Ohmygod, ohmygod, the British taxi had found them.

Bryan and Tala were grumbling in annoyance as they pushed the car backwards, when Tala looked up and spied the pair of headlights in the distance. It looked like they were heading right towards them. "Oh, look Bryan, help has arrived!" He then stepped to the side of the forest road and began to wave his pimp cane around as if he was hailing down a cab.

"Oh, yeah… Hey, over here!" Bryan began to wave his arms around too, just so the driver wouldn't miss them.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH! IT'S FOUND ME!" Ian came tumbling out of the car and began to sprint in the opposite direction with his arms waving around like a mad man, almost knocking down Bryan.

"Hey, dude, stop!" Bryan said, "Don't go running into the woods, you'll get lost! And help's just arrived!" Bryan shouted.

Then he looked towards the car. It was closer now, and he could see it more clearly. It was tall, and black, and had a very distinctive radiator grill. In fact, Bryan thought, they looked strangely like teeth.

'_...Ello Gov'nor!"_

"HOLY SHIT IT'S REAL! TALA, RUN!"

Bryan grabbed Tala by the elbow and began to run in the same direction as Ian. "But Bryan, what about my baby?"

"Dammit Tala, there's no time!" They both looked backward in time to see the British taxi smash right into the New York cab. The yellow car was completely obliterated by the onslaught of the British menace. Bits of yellow metal and shards of glass went flying everywhere, and a single tyre bounced lamely on the ground.

"Oh, NOOO! My darling! My beautiful baby!" Tala was heartbroken. His second most prized possession was destroyed by that horrid _other_ taxi. He wrenched his arm away from Bryan, stood still in his tracks and turned to face the British taxi, brandishing his pimp cane in front of him. His eyes were like ice, and his whole body was stiff with rage. "You destroyed my love." He held out his arms in front of him, with his pimp cane high in the air. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Bryan looked around to see Tala standing right in the middle of the path and screaming like a pillock. What the fuck was he thinking, he was going to get flattened by that British taxi! Bryan turned around quickly and managed to rugby tackle Tala to the ground before he was murdered by the rogue automobile. "Dude, what the fuck? You almost got yourself killed!"

"THAT car destroyed my beloved taxi! Now it has to pay!"

"Tala, that British taxi wasn't even after your car anyway, it was after – oh my god, it's after Ian." The pair's eyes met in a moment of understanding, and then they both got up and began to run after the British taxi, shouting, "IAN!"

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––**

Ian didn't understand why these things kept happening to him. Why was the British taxi after him? Sure, he broke the tape, but couldn't they just sit down and talk about it over a nice cup of tea? It was British! It was supposed to like tea, dammit, not the blood of poor small frightened little people like him!

As Ian was running through the undergrowth and jumping over fallen logs, he chanced a glance behind him. Tala and Bryan were nowhere in sight, he sure hoped they were okay. He'd just left them in the clearing without a warning like a coward. But they should have listened to him in the first place. Stupid Bryan. Ian wondered if they believed him _now._

Just then, the British taxi surprised him by zooming out towards him from the side. It was all Ian could to to roll away to the left and dodge it. Then he picked himself back up and began to run again.

'_Ello Gov'nor!'_

Shit, it just didn't give up! Ian was running as fast as his legs could carry him. Unfortunately, he didn't have the advantage of long legs like Bryan and Tala and Kai, or strong legs like Spencer, so his fastest just wasn't fast enough. The British taxi was gaining on him, Ian could here the growling of its engine right behind him. He was sure the taxi could've overtaken him in a second, but it didn't. It was just playing with him.

Suddenly, the taxi must have gotten impatient of its game, because it swept past Ian to the side and circled around him, blocking off his path. Ian tried to backtrack and run in the other direction, but the British taxi swept around again, and blocked him off once more.

Terrified, Ian began to step backwards, and found himself backed up against a tree. He was staring into the headlamps of death, and the British taxi was just staying still in the middle of the clearing, watching him. Grinning at him with it's spiky teeth.

"Hey, there he is! That crazy British taxi's gonna eat him! We gotta do something! Hey, IAN!"

Bryan and Tala came running into the clearing behind the taxi, and were heading straight for Ian. They split up before they reached the taxi, and ran on each side of it. However, before they got any closer, the sneaky British taxi opened both of its front doors, and Tala and Bryan ran straight into them and were knocked down. Ian watched as they fell to the floor, completely dazed by the blow.

Then, the taxi began to advance towards Ian. It was creeping slowly towards him, stretching out the moment. With every inch the growling of the engine got louder, and the glare of the headlights got sharper. Ian gulped.

'_Ello Gov'nor…'_

No, no no no, Ian didn't want to die. He shouted, "I'M NO GOV'NOR!" and then shot out to the side, away from the taxi once more. Unfortunately, his valiant attempt at an escape was foiled when he ran head-long, straight into a branch.

Dazed, with his head spinning, Ian found himself lying flat on his back on the ground. His ears were ringing, but he could still hear the growling of the British taxi's engine over it.

He looked up, and sure enough, he saw a pair of headlights creeping towards him.

'_...Ello Gov'nor'_

Ian narrowed his eyes with fury. He was fed up of this shit. He rolled over onto his front and pushed himself up to his feet. His head was throbbing from where he'd hit it on the branch, and the world was swaying a little around him, but he didn't care. He wasn't running anymore.

He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pair of snake shaped knuckle-busters. He slid them on slowly, before looking at the British taxi with narrowed eyes. "The name's Snakes," he spat.

Then, like lightening, Ian's fist flew out and punched one of the taxi's headlamps. He then punched out the second headlamp, and the clearing went dark.

"I _hate_ you, you stupid thing! Leave me _alone_, you piece of crap! _Stop_ following me!"

With every sentence Ian uttered, he punched at and tore away at a piece of the taxi. He ripped off the little glowing 'taxi' sign on the roof, he punched through the windows, he kicked off the exhaust. The clearing was filled with the sound of tearing metal and shattered glass, and not one piece of the taxi was spared from the pure, undiluted rage of Ian.

AKA. _Snakes_.

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><p><strong><em>AN:_**_ I know I know, a bit of an abrupt ending to this chapter, but I didn't want it to be substantially longer than any of the others. The next one will wrap everything up and put an end to this craziness.  
>In the meantime, YAY for tough-guy Ian. :) Who knew he actually had a pair of snake-shaped knuckle-busters? I bet the guys will think twice about teasing him after watching him tear that taxi to pieces. LIKE A BEAST! 8D<em>

_**Next chapter:** Monday  
><em>


	5. Sweet Dreams

**5. Sweet Dreams**

"IAN! Hey, Ian wake up!"

Bryan was leaning over the smaller purple headed blader, who was lying on the floor, thrashing around wildly and mumbling incoherently.

"Maybe you should try slapping him?" offered Tala, who was standing over the two of them with vague interest, prodding at Ian's cheek with his pimp cane.

"Hey, that's not such a back idea" said Bryan. He then swatted Tala's pimp cane out of the way, and wound his hand back to let loose one hell of a bitch slap.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Ian screamed. The sound of it echoed around the clearing in the forest, as well as the sound of the slap itself. He sat bolt up right, and was rubbing his now-pink cheek with his hand. "DUDE, what the hell? Why are you… Oh, hey!" he said, his eyes suddenly lighting up. "Bryan, I did it! I conquered my fears!"

"Well, kind of…" Bryan started awkwardly. "You hit your head on a branch and started going psycho on the taxi, but… turns out the taxi was a kid."

"What?" said Ian, his face screwing up with confusion. "A kid?"

"Yeah…" Bryan moved out of the way, and Ian saw the beat-up British taxi in the middle of the clearing. Then he watched as the taxi rose up, transformers style, and revealed a kid standing there, wearing the taxi suit. But it wasn't just any kid – it was that loser loud mouth kid from Kai's team. Taylor or Trent or Tyson or something. And then he remembered – the loser kid from the rental store. It was him.

"Dude!" Tyson said angrily, "What's your problem?"

"What's my problem?" Ian replied, just as angrily. "What's _your_ problem? Why the hell are you following me in that taxi outfit?"

"Arghh! It's _not_ an outfit, it's a _costume_. My boss makes me wear it!" Tyson threw his arms in the air in exasperation. Then he pointed an accusing finger at Ian, "And your rental is overdue."

Bryan stepped forward. "Why didn't you just call or something?" He totally did not understand what was going on. Was Tyson like, stalking them this whole time, _just_ because the rental was overdue? What the hell?

"Arghh!" Tyson growled again. "I did! _And_ I sent a fax!"

"Wait," Ian said, remembering the whole traumatic episode in the bathroom. "That was you?"

"Yeah, man," said Tyson. "Now, will you please just give me the video so I can get on with my sorry life?"

"Uhh.. we broke it." Ian said awkwardly.

Tyson tisked, and tried to fold his arms. But he couldn't quite manage it because the taxi costume he was wearing was too chunky. So he just settled for putting his hands on his hips instead, like an angry mother whose just caught their kid trying to reach the cookie jar. "Well, you're going to have to pay for it then."

Bryan and Ian simply turned their heads to Tala. Tala then rolled his eyes before sauntering lazily over to Tyson. "Look…" he said smoothly, "they destroyed your video, but _you_ destroyed my taxi." His eyes were suddenly sharp as ice, and he held his pimp cane in Tyson's face threateningly. "So, how about this. You call off that little rental fee and enter into my service, swearing an oath to work for the rest of your life to pay for a new one, and we'll call it even, hmm?"

Bryan and Ian watched uncomfortably as Tyson began to sweat and blush and hyperventilate under the power of the pimp cane. Poor Tyson, Bryan thought now that he was familiar with the powers of the pimp cane, he's never going to get over _that_.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"Hey… Bryan?" Ian called out. It was later that same night, and the two team mates were now tucked comfortably into their beds (courtesy of the recently enslaved Tyson) and ready for a good night's sleep.

"Argh, not _again_, Ian. If you –"

"No no no, I'm not scared, Bryan. It's just... thanks man. For helping me out."

"Hm. No problem." Bryan then rolled over and snuggled a little deeper into his favourite Twilight bed sheets, entering effortlessly into his much needed beauty sleep with a little smile on his face.

Ian himself rolled over, and began to dream. Ian dreamed that he was walking down a rough city street at night. He was wearing a long trench coat, a detective style hat, and he was playing with a snake shaped lighter in his hand.

People said this city was pretty tough. But Ian was tougher.

As he walked down the street, he passed a taxi that was parked on the curb. It was tall, and black, and the license plate said one name: _Snakes_. Smirking, Ian placed the lighter in his pocket and got into the British taxi. He then put it in drive and began to ride down the street, ready to search out for any bad guys that needed their ass kicking, courtesy of a certain purple headed tough guy and his trusty automobile.

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><p><strong><em>AN:_**_ Well, here's the end of this little episode for Ian. Pretty short, I know, but I just felt like the previous chapter would have been TOO long in comparison to the others if I'd put it there.  
>Anyway, lol at Tyson, now he's just another one of Tala's bitches along with Kai. Hmm, I wonder if they'll form a revolt against the tyranny of Tala and his pimp cane? Who knows? O:<em>


End file.
